the webs of my heart intertwine with you a little bit more each time i see you. strings and pieces of the feelings i have wrap around your fingers, sticky, messy and inconvenient. you never asked to have me so wrapped up in you. but here i am, letting you become apart of me. to the point that i cant see myself with you here. and all the voices in my head saying you’re just using me for sex and that you dont actually care about me get washed away by the touch of you lips to mine. when your hands come up and cup my face gently. and how your smile shines like a billion light bulbs in those quiet moments. i live for that.
There’s a time
in between my
heart and lungs
but you’re the only one
im left in
preparing for the worst
hoping for the best
that by some
i’ll be saved in time
and i wont explode from the
I wanna sleep with you. Not just sleep as in the feeling of you sliding in and out of me, taking me over the edge to pleasure. But sleep with you. Naked. With the feeling of your blanket across the skin of my back. Your chest against my chest. Feeling your fingers caress my sides. I wanna wake up in the morning to slow kisses and your fingers in my hair, sweaty bodies cuddling. I want. I want and I’m stupid for it.
It all happened. We were on your bed spooning and kissing and grinding. Under the covers, me under your smile. It was holding hands and gentle neck kisses. It was you finding a ticklish spot and saying “then I love that spot” and grabbing me there one more time and kissing my giggles away. It was you wearing me out and taking me over the edge of pleasure. And when we fell asleep on your bed and woke up again I started to get dressed. But when I sat down on the edge of the bed you grabbed me at the waist and pulled me into you, kissing my neck. I’m going over the edge now. I’ll be falling over the edge down into oblivion and I’m not doing anything to stop it.
I like wearing a white tank top to bed cause I imagine that its yours. That we just hooked up and you have given me a shirt to wear. And we cuddle in your bed, with the feel of your hands on my back. And in the morning I keep it on and throw my sweatshirt over the top. And when I leave you kiss my forehead, my head nuzzling you, gently kissing the parts of your chest that are exposed through your open sweatshirt. It smelled like cigarettes and weed.
I’m getting ahead of myself. You don’t even want me.
"I forgot to text you back" pretty much sums up what all this means to you. A consistent pussy to fuck, a hollow mouth to take your dick, a good time. I’m letting you get under my skin. I’m letting my heart get involved.
"I’m at my cousins, got a full house all weekend" oh yeah. That’s right. God forbid I meet your family. God forbid I become apart of your life.
I dare not let my mind wander. Dare not get caught up in the alternate universe where you and I exist as you and I. The place that’s so easy for me to get lost in. Where your touches mean you want me. And your kisses mean you can’t live without me. I haven’t even written about you or let my mind think of all the things I want from you that I’m not getting. It was too much. Because if I did then that would mean I care about you. And I can’t care. I can feel. I can’t get attached. I’ll end up getting hurt if I do.
When I smell coffee in the morning, I want it to make me think of you. You say “I’m gonna head to bed” and you kiss me good night, your hand traveling down to my ass to give it a good squeeze. I smile and reach on my tippy toes to kiss you back. I stay downstairs to watch TV on the couch. And when I fall asleep and forget to come to bed you wake up around 3am and come downstairs to get me. Waking me with lazy kisses and soft touches. And as the alarm goes off in the morning, I smell the coffee and turn over to wrap my arms around you. Good morning my love. Love.
Youre chipping away at me little by little. Everytime I look at you apart of me dies and yet I still want to etch your name permanently on my skin
i just realized that i will lose you to another girl. this is not a rom-com and you wont realize before the credits roll that i am the only girl for you and you cant live without me. there will not be that moment when we run into each other in a public place and slowly gravitate towards one another and say “its you. its always been you. i was just too blind to see it at the time”. thats not how this will end. i will cry. and you wont care. and i’ll have to suck it up and get over it because we will continue to work together like grown ups. ive done it before and ill do it again. i just realized that you will end up and settle down with someone else.