The Nervous Duck Writes

Cotton T-Shirts

you could barely stand
drunken
laughter
spilling from your lips
your fingers gripped
the counter
in
attempt to stop
the
swaying
but you started to
fall
anyway
my hand reached
out
to steady you. my
fingers
splayed against
the soft of the white
cotton shirt
that hung off your thin
body like a sheet.
i could feel the bumps
of your
ribs
and i couldn’t help
but
want you

Goner

you slept on the couch
like the
gentleman you are
and your footsteps
up
the stairs, woke
me
i opened my eyes
to your
white t-shirt and
morning smile
you thanked me for
the previous
night
of innocent fun
and the moment you
left
i knew i was a
goner.

You’ll Never Know

as i sat in the dark movie theater i finally understood you. you remained a mystery to me our whole relationship. but now 5 years later i see that you were trying to save me. you were a life raft in an ocean of my insanity and i wish i would have seen it then. i never gave you the proper thank you. i just held your hand and kissed your cheek and said, “stay in touch”. you’ll never know what it was like to find a breath when i was drowning. you were my breath and my strength, you’ll never know.

Starry Night

days are shorter and
the night
comes quickly
darkness covering the sky
and enveloping
my body
like a warm blanket
i feel
confident
safe
complete
when the night comes
and stars light up the sky
like everyone’s dreams are on
display
each star, a promise
for good
to come soon.
this hell will be over
just as quickly as the day turns
to night

itishalloweendealwithitdone:

Lost by Coldplay

(Source: styles-stupid-face)

moth to a flame

i hate you. i hate you. fuck. so much that it seeps from my eyes. streaming down my face and leaving my cheeks red from the drag. i feel myself cling to you and i shake my head. its a vain attempt. clinging to the hand of a ghost. the ghost that was never mine to be haunted by. my soul is drawn to you more so than anyone i have ever encountered. more than anything i am afraid of scaring you away. how selfish that sounds? like you would ever pay attention to me long enough to be afraid of what i say. the writer inside me has chosen you as my muse. there are not enough words to say how much i wish it were different. that i wasn’t drawn to you like the moth is to a flame. but i am. and i hate fucking hate you for it. i dont want to lose you. the little bit of you that i have left. i will cling to this ghost of you, looking like a fool and damned with hate. and i will enjoy every second of the torture.

hello, old friend

i have a hard time knowing whether this darkness inside me always existed or if it has returned like the unwanted visit from an old friend. either way im not sure it matters because in the end there is still a gaping empty hole in my chest and i have no way to fill it. they saying goes that time heals all wounds but i have come to find that all it does is fill me with each passing day that you are not by my side. like little boxes of pain that dont fill up the hole quite right. a constant reminder. a physical place in my body where i can pull out the memories of lonely nights, desperate nights, nights where nothing seemed to matter. i see your face in strangers i pass along the streets. but i shake my head at the ridiculous notion that you would even recognize me. because thats really what the one moment of panic is about. its a split second where i think “what would happen if it was actually you? what if you knew it was me?” this darkness has come with the reminder that i will forever mean nothing to you. and you will always mean the world to me.

itishalloweendealwithitdone:

this song is just so beautiful omfg

(Source: Spotify, via styles-stupid-face)

"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music."

- Friedrich Nietzsche  (via aztecaenrose)

(Source: whimsicalele, via bedlam408)

the crowd gathered in the park
with
booze and smokes
and
bud
to appreciate the music
and like a phoenix
out
of the masses
the god of the hippies rose
with dancing and jeering
and
joking
the band’s music filled the air
and i stood among my people
completely
utterly
and
wonderfully
comfortable.