The Nervous Duck Writes

Game Over

Tue, 18 Jun 2013 08:31:46 -0700

I’d like a redo, a start over from this mess of a heart and emotions. Like in a video game you die and get a second chance at the level you failed at. Wipe out the memory of all the things that haunt me and have an empty face, an empty mind, just pure emptiness to start over. And not have to run and hide from these demons. There seems to be a new one every day. I’m going to sleep at night and still waking up the next morning. I think that’s the biggest disappointment of all.

The Nervous Duck

Tue, 18 Jun 2013 08:23:51 -0700

The Nervous Duck:

This is where ive been posting my thoughts for a while now…. check it out if you like. but im back now.

Cotton T-Shirts

Wed, 14 Nov 2012 15:33:32 -0800

you could barely stand
drunken
laughter
spilling from your lips
your fingers gripped
the counter
in
attempt to stop
the
swaying
but you started to
fall
anyway
my hand reached
out
to steady you. my
fingers
splayed against
the soft of the white
cotton shirt
that hung off your thin
body like a sheet.
i could feel the bumps
of your
ribs
and i couldn’t help
but
want you

Goner

Wed, 14 Nov 2012 15:24:34 -0800

you slept on the couch
like the
gentleman you are
and your footsteps
up
the stairs, woke
me
i opened my eyes
to your
white t-shirt and
morning smile
you thanked me for
the previous
night
of innocent fun
and the moment you
left
i knew i was a
goner.

You'll Never Know

Sat, 10 Nov 2012 11:42:57 -0800

as i sat in the dark movie theater i finally understood you. you remained a mystery to me our whole relationship. but now 5 years later i see that you were trying to save me. you were a life raft in an ocean of my insanity and i wish i would have seen it then. i never gave you the proper thank you. i just held your hand and kissed your cheek and said, “stay in touch”. you’ll never know what it was like to find a breath when i was drowning. you were my breath and my strength, you’ll never know.

Starry Night

Sat, 10 Nov 2012 11:38:13 -0800

days are shorter and
the night
comes quickly
darkness covering the sky
and enveloping
my body
like a warm blanket
i feel
confident
safe
complete
when the night comes
and stars light up the sky
like everyone’s dreams are on
display
each star, a promise
for good
to come soon.
this hell will be over
just as quickly as the day turns
to night

itishalloweendealwithitdone: Lost by Coldplay

Mon, 22 Oct 2012 23:12:10 -0700

itishalloweendealwithitdone:

Lost by Coldplay

moth to a flame

Mon, 22 Oct 2012 23:04:54 -0700

i hate you. i hate you. fuck. so much that it seeps from my eyes. streaming down my face and leaving my cheeks red from the drag. i feel myself cling to you and i shake my head. its a vain attempt. clinging to the hand of a ghost. the ghost that was never mine to be haunted by. my soul is drawn to you more so than anyone i have ever encountered. more than anything i am afraid of scaring you away. how selfish that sounds? like you would ever pay attention to me long enough to be afraid of what i say. the writer inside me has chosen you as my muse. there are not enough words to say how much i wish it were different. that i wasn’t drawn to you like the moth is to a flame. but i am. and i hate fucking hate you for it. i dont want to lose you. the little bit of you that i have left. i will cling to this ghost of you, looking like a fool and damned with hate. and i will enjoy every second of the torture.

hello, old friend

Mon, 22 Oct 2012 22:54:36 -0700

i have a hard time knowing whether this darkness inside me always existed or if it has returned like the unwanted visit from an old friend. either way im not sure it matters because in the end there is still a gaping empty hole in my chest and i have no way to fill it. they saying goes that time heals all wounds but i have come to find that all it does is fill me with each passing day that you are not by my side. like little boxes of pain that dont fill up the hole quite right. a constant reminder. a physical place in my body where i can pull out the memories of lonely nights, desperate nights, nights where nothing seemed to matter. i see your face in strangers i pass along the streets. but i shake my head at the ridiculous notion that you would even recognize me. because thats really what the one moment of panic is about. its a split second where i think “what would happen if it was actually you? what if you knew it was me?” this darkness has come with the reminder that i will forever mean nothing to you. and you will always mean the world to me.

itishalloweendealwithitdone: this song is just so beautiful...

Fri, 19 Oct 2012 11:06:04 -0700

itishalloweendealwithitdone:

this song is just so beautiful omfg

"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music."

Fri, 19 Oct 2012 11:04:30 -0700

“And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.”

- Friedrich Nietzsche (via aztecaenrose)

the crowd gathered in the park with booze and smokes and bud to appreciate the music and like a...

Sat, 06 Oct 2012 18:14:30 -0700

the crowd gathered in the park
with
booze and smokes
and
bud
to appreciate the music
and like a phoenix
out
of the masses
the god of the hippies rose
with dancing and jeering
and
joking
the band’s music filled the air
and i stood among my people
completely
utterly
and
wonderfully
comfortable.

Hey check out my photography blog

Sat, 06 Oct 2012 18:07:24 -0700

Hey check out my photography blog

Hey guys got a new blog where I post my photography. Check it...

Sat, 06 Oct 2012 18:06:57 -0700

Hey guys got a new blog where I post my photography. Check it out!

exhausted like i’ve ran a hundred miles barefoot can’t seem to rest can’t seem to...

Mon, 01 Oct 2012 15:43:00 -0700

exhausted like i’ve ran a hundred miles
barefoot
can’t seem to rest
can’t seem to catch up
relaxation is far away
the hustle
and
bustle never ending
take this away
i need to
renew

Ghost Stories

Fri, 28 Sep 2012 23:49:15 -0700

i saw your ghost today and he
stole my
breath
cold coasting over me
like the fog
rolling
in
over The Bay, wishing
if only for a
moment
that it was really you
take notice of
me
for the longing of your lips
is crippling

Lies coat my tongue Thick Cough syrup, the bitter kind I am Fake Foolish Resentful Just be grateful,...

Fri, 28 Sep 2012 10:08:53 -0700

Lies coat my tongue
Thick
Cough syrup, the bitter kind
I am
Fake
Foolish
Resentful
Just be grateful, my head repeats
While my heart
Turns
Black
With anger & hatred, death
By
Lying
Is an awful way to
Die

vanishing act

Tue, 25 Sep 2012 10:48:53 -0700

those words left my mouth too quickly
bitterness now
sweeping over my tongue
contentment
has vanished along with the silhouette
of you
i am left
my mind spinning
out of
control
all i’ve ever wanted is this

musings

Tue, 25 Sep 2012 00:32:34 -0700

i cant sleep. or maybe it’s that i dont want to sleep. because if i sleep that means another day has passed. another meaningless sun up, sun down, sleep, eat, work, blog. a waste. it’s desperation. when things start flying from my fingers and all of a sudden i find myself writing again. im becoming to discover that you dont pick your muse. your muse picks you. you picked me. even if you didnt ask for it. there is something about you that inspires me. im not sure i’ll ever figure out what it is. maybe i’m not ever supposed to. i will forever be inspired by you. hell this is the most ive written or been inspired to write in months. without you i feel wordless. it’s a blank page and an empty pen. there is no solution. there is no inspiration. there is only blank. empty. but forever i’ll think of you and you’ll be worth more than sun and stars and the moon. forever i’ll be nothing to you but words upon a page, just a face.

it’s contentment that i have found finally going through pages of the past they are...

Mon, 24 Sep 2012 22:22:31 -0700

it’s contentment
that i have found
finally
going through
pages
of the past
they are
shouting out pain
bitterness
resentment
the memories come to life
before my eyes
i taste the tears
that were
fallen
when the words were birthed
and
appreciation comes sweepingly
realizing that those hardships
have
brought me here
to joy